Tonight I proposed to my beautiful girlfriend, and default model, of six years; she accepted. She’s my support through all of my endeavors, in all my walks of life. I sincerely hope my influence on her will continue to be as strong, and as positive, as hers is on me. Let’s hope she keeps modeling for me too! :) I love you, Krystal.
It’s been awhile.. A new year, another birthday passed, the same old sleep schedule, or lack thereof.. No resolutions, no plans; just a head full of unfocused thoughts, unfinished projects, and the desire to keep shooting for no other reason than to press the shutter button it seems. Maybe I should do something different this year. Perhaps I should be shooting the crap people want, as opposed to satisfying my own selfish desires with my creations. I just can’t get into the frame of mind necessary to feed the ego of some wannabe model, who thinks a bunch of boring airbrushed pictures, taken in Oklahoma, are going to make her a model. Faceless figures, raw sensuality, erotica; that’s what interests me.. Objectifying the female form, without exploiting the person, is what get’s my creative juices flowing. How do I find models who share the same desire to create? Any ideas?
I don’t get out nearly enough when I’m stuck inside my head. If I’m able to force myself into going somewhere, it’s often hard for me to adjust to its atmosphere. Forcing myself to be distracted from me isn’t easy. There aren’t many places in Okc I enjoy spending time.. Cuppies & Joe is a nice little coffee/cupcake shop, but it’s decor just seems to suit those in a better frame of mind. The whole place just seems so happy sometimes it pisses me off. lol. Amazing how I can find anything to be annoyed about at times. For the rest of you, normal people, try them out. They’re on 23rd and Shartel, where the Vintage used to be.. Free wireless, nice people. If you’re lucky, I won’t be the asshole sitting in the backroom, pissed off, with no reason to be!
Creatively, I’m certainly at my best when, emotionally, I’m at my worst. Typically, I don’t create anything when I’m down.. I use the time to put the influx of ideas in my head to paper, but then, almost certainly never act them out. It’s a vicious cycle that feeds itself on my creative energy, and devours all that could have been. I’m assuming this is what makes me an artist as opposed to a photographer, though I often don’t feel like either. While everything else seems to indicate my life is falling apart, I decided against going with my usual decision to just write shit down, and actually create. Medicine for the evening, a photo-shoot with a friend.. I often wonder as to what level my mood effects what I capture. How much of the model is seen in my photographs; how much of it is what I project onto them? What, if either, is detected by the viewer? How much does a beautiful appearance, or a good show, hide pain?
Something I’ve been working on and wanting to expand upon is somewhat of a crossover between photography and videography. I’m thinking a loop on something like this, a digital frame, and a gallery wall might provide to be of some interest to others. Gotta LOVE my models for allowing me to try crap on them I’ve got no clue about. :) Again, keep in mind that this is an overly compressed gif, and is actually smaller than what it appears to be here.. The video is sharp, and full of tonality. I do need to find a way to post video to this site.
I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said seize the day, pull the trigger
Drop the blade, and watch the rolling heads
The day I tried to live
I stole a thousand beggar’s change
And gave it to the rich
The day I tried to win
I dangled from the power lines
And let the martyrs stretch
One more time around might do it
One more time around might make it
One more time around might do it
One more time around
The day I tried to live
Words you say never seem
To live up to the ones inside your head
The lives we make never seem
To ever get us anywhere but dead
The day I tried to live
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs
I woke the same as any other day you know
I should have stayed in bed
The day I tried to win
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs
And I learned that I was a liar
Just like you
I have absolutely no idea how other photographers do things.. It’s probably one of most stressful elements about actually shooting; being compared to others. Not in what I produce, but in how I come to create it. A side-effect of being completely self-taught, I’m sure. When my model first sits down, I talk to her while firing off a number of test shots in order to get the lighting correct for that particular scene.. Well if “correct” is how I like it, that is.. Usually, my model has no idea what she should be doing at this point.. “Should I be posing?” they say.. I usually just ignore the obvious desire for direction until I get things the way I want. Once I’m ready, I begin to offer a BIT of guidance, and capture the first images of the shoot.. The result is often, if lucky, something like this. And, it sets the pace for the rest of the time spent with model and camera.
While I prefer to keep faces from being focal points in my work, sometimes the people I work with make it impossible for me to do so.. Kathryn is a beautiful friend of mine, and this photo hopefully indicates my ability to capture something other than a nude figure. I’ve gotten some shit over her Monroe piercing being a distraction, but it’s part of who she is, and I like it. The image shows a softer side of Kathryn that I’m not sure many people get to see.. But then, I’m really only concerned with the idea of showing others what I see..
There’s something about shooting someone for the first time that allows you so much more freedom than you’ll ever have with them again. Having no preconceived notions of what this person is like, excuses you from not capturing who they are in the image. Instead, the model becomes nothing more than an objectification of beauty, sensuality, erotica, or whatever else it is you decide to capture during the shoot. I’m disconnected, but inspired.. The negatives; they often don’t share the excitement of producing an image that doesn’t feel like them. And, worse, the first time I shoot someone, I’m exploring who they are and where we can go with the images. The shoots thereafter are much more productive. I need to work on that.
A lot has changed over the last few months.. I’ve purchased my new camera, bought a new motorcycle, and moved into a new house; one with a studio. Last week I purchased some more equipment, and finally have the area and necessary additions to start shooting more regularly, once again. This afternoon, I was able to do some tests with one of my new backgrounds. Sorry for so much color lately, I don’t know what I’m doing. :) I’m looking to buy a new lens and a printer.. So, $4000.00 would be nice.. A wedding or two would cover that, but I think I’ll collect cans instead. Maybe I can trade someone my Canon 70-200L f/2.8 for a Canon 24-70L f/2.8 lens.. The printer, meh, no chance at a trade.
Anyway, the photo, taken with my Canon 5dmkII, Canon 17-35L f/2.8 lens, and in the new studio.. My attempt at shooting models, who have piercings, in a different light. I’m so tired of the pin-up style of photography that is almost exclusively reserved for these types of figures. Perhaps I’ll start shooting more of this and finally do something with my piercing website, that I’ve owned for almost 10 years, and still have yet to utilize!
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